The Food Scout

Yes, California has earthquakes, wildfires, water shortages, no seasons, and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a governor. But when it comes to food retail and restaurants, Calif. gets EVERYTHING (sigh). Okay, so Trader Joe’s and In ‘n Out Burger were established on the West Coast before I found out about them. But isn’t that enough? Don’t Malibu, Pasadena and Newport Beach have enough little green grocers and food takeout places, so that the British could just leave them alone and come attack the Midwest, WHERE WE DON’T HAVE ANY GOOD FOOD STORES (I’m not counting Texas, technically in the Southwest, where they have Whole Foods and Central Market). The Midwest may have rolling plains of wheat and corn and livestock grazing, but we are a FOOD DESERT!

In case you haven’t noticed, The Food Scout likes to talk about food trend-trumping the way the fashion industry one-ups its own trends: “Brown is the new black” or “Size 2 is the new size 6.” Recent Food Scout trend trumps have included “Smart: The New Deluxe,” “Free Food: The New 99-cent Menu,” and “Portion Control: The New Fat Free.” Now I’m wondering if 64 calories will become the new 100-calorie bar to beat, or just how low this calorie-limbo game will go before it fizzles out.

In the 1990s, it was nearly impossible to keep track of all the food company mergers that were blending and combining top brands in an elaborate shell game of consolidation and buy-outs designed to offset shrinking margins and increasingly modest stock growth. Now America’s most prominent food companies are cleaning house en masse. And when it comes to keeping the ship on course these days, it is clear that nothing is sacred anymore, not even flagship brands or categories. Sluggish category? Toss it out! Unhealthy image? Off with her head! Increased competition? Sell the whole company!

Back on March 9, I wrote a blog on the perky Rachel Ray and how she was stretching her “brand” too far, too fast, to ANYTHING. Well, I think Homer Simpson et al. have crossed over to the Dark Side of marketing as well, becoming the latest uber-licensed brand to be stamped ruthlessly on any product or promotion that is interested in shelling out some cash. The Simpsons’ presence in marketing vehicles of late has quickly passed by my “clever” and “ubiquitous” checkpoints, and is now sprinting beyond “tasteless” to achieve the “cram it down their throats” milestone.

Okay, Smartfood popcorn has been around awhile. Then we got Smart Start cereal from Kellogg. After that was Glaceau’s Smartwater sub brand. Then Eat Smart salad kits. And Weight Watchers Smart Ones frozen entrees. There are Smart Balance spreads. LightLife foods has a whole bunch of sub-brands including Smart Stuffers, Smart Meals, Smart Menu, Smart Strips and Smart Bacon. And now Unilever is jumping in with its Breyer’s Smart! yogurt, with DHA added to it. I doubt this is the last of the Smart introductions.